I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
