I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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