Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
