I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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