you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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