sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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