Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
