somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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