i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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