So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
