Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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