I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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