i don't like sucking hair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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