the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
