I cockslap morals
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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