She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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