Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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