she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
