She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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