Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
