This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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