Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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