I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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