I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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