my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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