Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
