dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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