I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
