i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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