I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
