i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
