dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
