He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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