i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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