My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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