Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
