I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
