I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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