This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
