I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
