Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
