well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
