were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
