the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
