I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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