Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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