my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
