Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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