I should be sponsored by Trojan
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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