my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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