so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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