We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
