I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
