I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you never un-have a 4some
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize