Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
