Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
