I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
