Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
