i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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