This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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